|
|
|
|
| Friday, August 28, 2009 |
Scenario not new to me, just unexpected. Each step i take, i return to the familiar scene, where the same things happen once again. I already know the outcome. This ought to hurt...very much...i reject this pain. It shall not come near me. Truths are uncovered...I see things much clearer now...albeit from another perspective, from another person's point of view. Keep seeing the same girl whom i don't wish to see though i know someone else does. *laughs* Rainbowwwwwww....where is my rainbowwwwww .JPG) Time for the chocolate chip cookie showdown! Part 1 features a cakey chocolate chip cookie recipe. Screwed up the baking time in my first batch cos i insisted on browning it though the tips tell me not to *laughs*. My second batch was better, third batch, perfectto! Yikes, this words reminds me of Pizza Hut pasta, which gave me *sadly* stomach flu. It sux, yes i know. But my love for food will never ever change...muahaha. Reviews from my family were positive for this cookie. "The taste was good," said mum, "but it was a little hard" (referring to the first batch). Yay....finally found a way to one of my favourite cookiez! |
| allie ♥ 11:43 PM |
| Wednesday, August 26, 2009 |
Sometimes the more you do for a person, the more the person won't see or appreciate. Favour by works - this theory doesn't seem to work. At times when you fail, and just release the control outta your hands, that's when you'll see things fall into place. Looking at the various life experiences, like exams...the better i think i'd do, the worse the results. And when i think i failed and did horribly, i came out with flying colours. Sounds like a weird theory...but...it seems to work. In terms of relationships, the ones i try the least, turned out well without much effort. Well, not completely without effort, but without trying against the flow, against myself, against my heart. I wonder though, why does trying not work, why does doing more not yield better results, better relationships? The truth is...i know it in my heart...lol. Somehow, a part of the peace came from the fact that i know i did everything i could. Did i withheld anything? No...none at all. Pushed to the limit, there was nothing that i did not consider or do my best for....hence the resignment too. *laughs bitterly*. Oh well. When a loved one fails, do you move to correct him/her or do you love him/her into wholeness and let your love transform? I'm guilty of the former...usually too quick to correct, to reprimand...and fail to take a step back and understand from their point of view. Perhaps by loving them, being patient, understanding would be a much better option. Results may not be seen immediately, but im sure seeds were sown in their hearts. Thinking about the times i was reprimanded by my loved ones...it just got me more hot-headed, more stubborn. Yet the times when they softened and logically analyse the situation with me, that's when im most willing to listen. When you look at yourself in the mirror in a loving way, somehow that transforms you to be someone better. A person's upbringing is often shown in the way they react to and handle things. Someone close i know may have been told many negative things about himself when young, treated in an unkind manner and heard many unkind words....somehow it shows in the way they treat people. Just like how i'm quick to reprimand and correct, how i'm picky on things and how i'm easily emotional, cry and anger easily. This mirrors someone close....so alike.... I told myself i don't want to be a parent like this...cos my kids would likely end up this way and that's not what i want. There's still a long road ahead, a fulfilling life to live and many more things to do. Mummy once told me "你是妈咪的宝贝。你会找到爱你的人，会很开心的". How rare is it that mummy will say these words to me. But when she does, my tears flowed immediately...not of sadness, but of joy...joy of being loved...joy of knowing how much i'm loved. Knowing how much you're loved makes you appreciate your loved ones alot alot more....
Working on a new personal project...am hoping it'll be done soon. Haha...looks like i'll be shopping alone very often! |
| allie ♥ 11:05 PM |
| Tuesday, August 18, 2009 |
Dreaming of a lone picnic sitting by our usual spot, enjoying the sea breeze and beautiful sunset...wish to do it as often as i can...my place of solace, peace and rest. Everything that passes by seem like a blur...nothing's real, nothing's concrete, nothing stays...so fleeting, transient, unreal... Time has slowed to a crawl...can you believe it...it's only Tuesday. Seems like eons ago when the flurry of activities happened...eons ago...but it was just....last week... Don't feel like going anywhere...not even home...wishing for my favourite peaceful and quiet spot... Future plans dashed...they no longer served any purpose. Neither do I. What's there left now? What is there to do, to look forward to, to plan, to build? I can't see anything...neither can i dream of anything... Thoughts came to a stop at this moment: Me: The polar bear is so cute! I want to go and pat the polar bear and play with him! BB: Polar bears are wild and will attack humans. Me: They look so cute...how can it be? BB: You never watch discovery channel ah...they are fierce predators and will kill you if you go near Me: *shudders* huh....isit....they look so cute like teddy bear BB: You silly girl... There's only one place i can be now......just........one.... |
| allie ♥ 6:32 PM |
| Friday, August 14, 2009 |
Glancing up from my tear-stained sheets, everywhere i turn, it rained...heavily. Couldn't see anything beyond my outstretched arm...no one out there...no sound...no love... It's dead quiet...the silence is deafening. Mind is blank...there is nothing to do...nowhere to go...nobody to meet...nothing to go for...nothing to look foward to... Don't dare to turn my head...where things have passed in a blur and left me a chain of broken promises and unfulfilled words. Whenever i turn, enormous amounts of effort is needed to pull me back...to calm and breathe... Stumbled upon an old blog which made me laugh...unexpectedly...distracted me from the self-pity state that i'm fully comfortable wallowing in right now. Gosh...many things i never noticed then...showed up clear before me now...what a contrasting picture...what a staggering difference... There's nothing i can do anymore...the issue was me all along...and since the issue was me, the only solution is elimination... So out goes the girl who's supposed to have at least 50 more years of shelf life...there...simple and easy... Sunshine came out in one world...oddly contrasting against the perpetual rain that poured in mine...sad and gloomy... Weather forecasts say that torrential rain is expected on all days... and likely will continue throughout the rest of the year... How unexciting... Where's the rainbow... |
| allie ♥ 7:35 PM |
| Wednesday, August 12, 2009 |
hate guys and wish to have nothing to do with them ever again. each step along this forced path seems extremely familiar...good or bad, i dunno. Only know I'm almost certain that i can expect to come my way...not new at all. think it's only normal for me to categorise them under the same header and expect the same behaviour now... |
| allie ♥ 9:39 AM |
| Tuesday, August 11, 2009 |
Needed to get all these outta my system before i go crazy. Came back from Redang with a lovely mind and relaxed spirit, all ready to start afresh, all set to tell you everything that i've been meaning to. Not only do i not get the opportunity, everything became my own fault. Things have constraints because you constrained them. I never believed in "never" because everyone has a choice, are able to make decisions that change an outcome. I always believed it's a decision to do something, rather than attributing it to something within our "self" that can't be changed. That's a simplistic and rather lazy point of view. Now it's my fault for not giving a the chance to work things out. Even when the cause was the "walking away" that did it. But eventually, it's ME, my fault. Yes, like i said, i will accept it gracefully...and exit your life. Since you ARE happier this way and will have no regrets. I'm gone, for good. And for all my well-meaning intentions, this is how i'm treated. And for all the empty promises, this is how they're fulfilled. And for all that i did despite you walking away. I showed up and waited, and waited, and waited, to no avail. The things i made, so that i could say sorry, can be thrown away right now. I feel betrayed, let down, disappointed, hurt....no words can describe how bloody stupid i feel right now. Everything that was supposed to happen, didn't happen. Why did everything lead to this? Because you first walked away...and you have to blame everything on me. If it makes you happy, yes it's me. All that i said, about the things i wanted to say and do, remain empty words to you. Other words seem to take priority. The beautiful images and scenarios in my head, will now remain as scenarios. I will always remember this day as the day you tell me "no regrets". Thank you very much...goodbye... |
| allie ♥ 1:55 PM |
| Monday, August 10, 2009 |
Heh...im feeling puky these days...maybe the aftermath of my sea sickness which plaqued me throughout the trip (too much sea activities plus the cruise on our way back)...but it was fun!! A very good holiday in simple terms. Today started well but ended like crap. Sometimes even when things aren't caused by me, everything gets put on my shoulders. Whatever it is, i've done what i can and i'm resigned now...being told things that hurt so much i cant imagine i still wont budge. But if it's really like what was told to me, i'll accept it, as long as the result is a smiling one. Honestly, im not in the mood to do anything right now...i feel silly enough...enough is enough...whatever you want, you'll get. I'm done. Not smiling, not happy, but someone else is...so yes, let it be. |
| allie ♥ 8:28 PM |
| About Me |
|
Allie. Love. Princess
|
| Recently |
|
|
| Tag Board |
|
|
| Music |
|
|
| Links |
|
My Pupe. |
| Credits |
Silly me went to buy these tau sar piah just to get a feel of how it tastes like to be at the receiving end. And the answer is...heartwarmingly sweet =). 
The beautiful Redang beach...
Me underwater with the colourful fishes!