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| Thursday, May 29, 2008 |
Somehow the people you love most and the people who are closest to you are also the one who hurt you most...though it doesn't happen very often. That incident made me lock myself in my room, turn up the music to drown out everything else and cry for hours. I realised...i can put up with many other things...but this...i had to give. The sight of the person makes me wanna pull away, shun and hide. Cos it simply reminded me of what happened, what i went through and tears will threaten to fall. I'm shunning, not because i'm angry, not because i haven't forgiven, but because i can't bring myself to face the person. There are times when there are reasons which are acceptable, though the result may not be what you want. There are times when you know good things might come out of it. But this, is simply crap, pushing it, testing my limits. And I cracked. Putting up all four walls, retreating to my little corner. Alanna's photos cheered me up though....she and her bunch of friends are soooo cute! See Here for Kaito! (My dear stead - let me know if you don't want the link to be here xD) |
| allie ♥ 9:12 PM |
| Tuesday, May 20, 2008 |
Sometimes i wonder, why doesn't the hurt go away completely. There's always a shadow of it, hidden somewhere, waiting to be discovered and then it'll explode and cast the full effects on you. The more i know, the more it hurts. It's better not to know, really. There are times when i'd wish i can retaliate by doing the same, but at the finishing point, i would hold back. It's not me, i just can't do it. Whatever the reasons are, i'm sure it's not bad news for me. Been spending much time with myself lately and it's enjoyable. Made me recall the times when i loved shopping alone, working late and it's non of anybody's business, going wherever my heart brings me to and spending time with whoever i'd like to spend it with. It was the kinda freedom i used to love so much and wouldn't give it up. At the same time, the person i knew would give up everything when she falls in love with someone...even the very thing she used to enjoy much. Was it worth it? I would say, yes. It seems to me that there are pros and cons whichever way i go. But the more important thing is, one should go the way which, deep in your heart, you know it's right. Enjoy it while it lasts. Somehow, i'm slowly finding myself again....picking up the broken pieces and fixing them back together. Though it'll never be the same perfect piece again, the scars made are beautiful, beautiful ones that make the person i see today. Easily hurt, easily scarred, the wounds were deep and take a long time to mend. Just as the wound that took years to mend, it was eventually made well. I believe this applies to other wounds as well. Though the mending process is slow, it will reach the finishing point someday. Things were taken away from you because he wants you to have something even better. God so love you, he wouldn't want you to suffer. Take heart in that. |
| allie ♥ 9:09 PM |
| Sunday, May 18, 2008 |
Lol...yes very random. Anyways, it's just a thought. Had an urge to bake muffins for breakfast...and so i did! I bought a muffin mix from Ailin store and made chocolate chip muffins. The results were better than what i've expected and i love them! Moist, fluffy and nicely domed =). See my muffinssss   Wanted to take a pic of the muffin liners, which had frog prints on it and it says "kiss me". Super duper cute...hahaha. Today's service was great, Prince brought up something that's extremely relevant and it impacted me alot. Went back to study the whole book of Romans...which, to me, is a beautiful beautiful book. Long weekend this time...tomorrow gotta do my にほんごしゅくだい. It's getting more cheem with each lesson and i need to work harder! がんばってください。 |
| allie ♥ 10:52 PM |
| Saturday, May 17, 2008 |
You know, i dislike it when people makes fun of others' disabilities, especially that of older people. If i had a weakness, that would be for older people. I can't stand seeing disrespect, ridicule when it comes to them. Yesterday, a group of people i know were making fun of a "disability" of an elder lady. I can't fully describe how mean i felt to be part of the group even though i didnt feel the same way. I wonder why can't they just step into the other person's shoes for a moment and imagine how they'd feel? It sux to be the object of ridicule. There are many factors which made wonder why they said those things...this group is not exactly "young"... hence it upsetted me more. Many things that affected me revolved round this elder lady, even asking for pay on her pay date made her seem like a nuisance to some. Oh well, should i just smile and let it go...? Bye Bye by Mariah Carey This is for my peoples Who just lost somebody Your best friend, your baby Your man or your lady Put your hand way up high We will never say bye No, no, no Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers Friends and cousins This is for my peoples Who lost their grandmothers Lift your head to the sky Cause we will never say bye As a child there were them times I didn't get it But you kept me in line I didn't know why You didn't show up sometimes On Sunday mornings and I missed you But I'm glad we talked through All them grown folk things Separation brings You never let me know it You never let it show Because you loved me and obviously There's so much more left to say If you were with me today Face to face I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on I wish I could talk to you for a while Miss you but I try not to cry As time goes by And it's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world to see your face And be right here next to you But it's like you're gone too soon Now the hardest thing to do is say Bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye You never got a chance to see How good I've done And you never got to See me back at number one I wish that you were here To celebrate together I wish that we could Spend the holidays together I remember when you used to Tuck me in at night With the teddy bear you gave me That I held so tight I thought you were so strong You'd make it through whatever It's so hard to accept the fact You're gone forever I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on I wish I could talk to you for a while Miss you but I try not to cry As time goes by And it's true that you've Reached a better place Still I'd give the world to see your face And be right here next to you But it's like you're gone too soon Now the hardest thing to do is say Bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye Bye bye |
| allie ♥ 7:03 PM |
| Sunday, May 11, 2008 |
At The Cross Verse 1: Oh Lord You’ve searched me, You know my way; Even when I fail You, I know You love me. Your holy presence Surrounding me In every season, I know You love me; I know You love me. Chorus: At the cross I bow my knee, Where Your blood was shed for me, There’s no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave, Your glory fills the highest place, What can separate me now? Verse 2: You go before me, You shield my way, Your hand upholds me; I know You love me. And when the earth fades, Falls from my eyes, And You stand before me, I know You love me; I know You love me. Bridge: You tore the veil, You made a way When You said that it is done. After the sharing session with one of girls from cg, many things became clearer to me. All i can say is, he's always been there...just that i didn't know him then...but i do now. Things i never understood before were as clear as the skies this very instant. I've been reading this wonderful blog that never fails to get me thinking... hopefully one day i'll be able to share like that too. Today's service was awesome. There's something about SIS services which i love...the atmosphere is amazing, and his presence ever so strong... something i can't really explain with words alone. "Love is not love till you give it away" |
| allie ♥ 9:06 PM |
| Sunday, May 04, 2008 |
Verse You hold my every moment You calm my raging seas You walk with me through fire And heal all my disease I trust in You I trust in You Chorus I believe You're my Healer I believe You are all I need I believe You're my Portion I believe You're more than enough for me Jesus You're all I need Bridge Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You Nothing is impossible for You You hold my world in Your hands |
| allie ♥ 7:21 PM |
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