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| Wednesday, November 29, 2006 |
"Deep emotions come your way. The trouble is, you are so intuitive that you can find yourself drowning in them unless you take care. Never fear. You get a burst of fiery energy that compels you to take action." When i read this, i was wondering, what can come during this day? I was feeling calm, peaceful, and happy at the point. But as of now when i'm writing this, i'm flooded with all kinds of emotions. Things that happen during the day can change how I feel swiftly, strongly. Reading the newspapers...and thinking back upon what happened as mentioned in my previous entry, I begin to think about my family. I think i've reached an age, and my parents have reached an age, when i should start to think about what might happen to them. Today's newspapers featured May n Choy, the VJs with their mum who's battling a disease that could threaten their lives. It made me realise, that my parents are at risk too. Although i hope that they could be healthy forever, experience tells me that this cannot be. Not when I've gone through people losing their parents to illnesses, diseases etc. Not when that has happen to the people around me. I dont wanna know the truth, cos I dread what i will hear. My mum hasn't been the healthiest of people, and I fear what I can potentially find out. Simple ailments like arthritis, asthma, all have potential to evolve into more serious health problems. Without constant monitoring and medical expertise, it would be extremely difficult for one to find out what's wrong with oneself unless something happened...either excruciating pain or something else. I really dont wanna know....but not wanting to know doesnt solve the problem, and it might perhaps prolong the problem. I did ask them to go for full health checkups, after all, knowing is the first step to prevention or cure. But somehow, it doesnt seem to go through. I silently told myself that when i start working, I shall force them to go for one of these. Then again, many things can happen within this half a year.....though I hope that all goes well. Been thinking alot today...have no idea why. I wonder if my mum made the right decision to force my bro to go to JC instead of his first choice of poly. I wonder if i made the right decision to encourage him to go to JC as well, though I did tell my mum that there's no point forcing him to go to JC when he wants to do otherwise. I really wonder. People around me come from all sorts of backgrounds. I have cousins who are school dropouts, those in normal stream, those that didnt finish their studies etc. It seems like I'm the only one who has somehow had a "complete" education. And i do wish that my bro can do the same. But his A level results are not up to scratch, which resulted in him not being able to make it to the three main local universities. And hence, he has to try SIM next. Oh well....although it seems like he's likely to make it, I'm being to doubt the decisions made earlier. Every decision made earlier on has consequences, and that being described above. I really dont know what can happen next. And i wished that earlier on she had made a different decision. That way, i wouldn't be so worried about my bro's future. Sometimes, forcing one to do something because of a certain belief you have might not be the right thing after all. It's hard being a parent really. You want the best for your child, but that doesnt equate to the child getting the best. Seeing some of my frens going to ITE and then to polytechnic, it dawned on me that sometimes the ends justify the means....and the amount of time you take doesnt really matter, as long as you get what you want... FYP sucks at this point. I dont wanna mention the organisation in public...but it's screwing us up BIG TIME. Though i'm pissed, there's nothing much i can do about it. So if anyone's thinking of doing an fyp with an external organisation next time, better think twice. I'm majorly stressed out...because the organisation is so incoherent. The things they say, and what they do, are not in line. Yes, they are a reputable organisation. But so what, they failed to keep their word time and time again. Though they tried to make amends, it doesnt really help much. I've lost faith really. I started the project with zest and enthusiasim...but now i'm disillusioned. I'm not in the mood to put in much effort anymore. I know this has great impact on my grade, but somehow it feels that control is not within my hands anymore. I cant control what happens on the organisation side. Now the organisation is screwing up my project, my grade, and my honours degree. Maybe i should make this known to them. Instead of thinking in a short-sighted manner, i shall make known to them the consequences of such changes. Maybe i should...maybe not....i dunno. But i seriously regret working with them now. It caused me so much problems, so many changes, so many empty promises....I dont ever wanna work with them again. Ever since holidays started for me, I've been playing my Maple Story daily. I like it. It takes my mind off things completely. I'm in a completely different world with no problems and lotsa cute friends...even though they might be young teenagers of my cousins' age. Life is so simple there. well, I'm level 100 now....pretty happy with my achievement within a short span of time :D. The only bright spark in my miserable life. Can't blame me for being skeptical....not when everyone's giving empty promises. Perhaps they should go study Kant....if might provide a good guide as to how they should act. Act upon the maxim you will at the same time will that it be a universal law. If only... |
| allie ♥ 6:58 PM |
| Wednesday, November 22, 2006 |
My 5-year-old nephew passed away. He was having some breathing difficulties and was rushed to hospital where his heart stopped, and the doctors couldn't save him. It was utter shock, sudden and impactful. I can totally imagine the pain of his father when the son lay in front of him. My, I would never wish it upon anyone. He had a history of illnesses since he was born, always shuttling in and out of hospital. I visited him in the hospital often, but despite that, I always thought he was going to grow out of his illnesses, like how my brother did. However, his problems were greater than that my of brothers. Still, i never thought it can come to something this serious, and sudden. I thought the worst days were over when the parents were in the hospital after he was born, working with the doctors to try to save the child. They came through well, and the child was good, though never really completely healthy. I thought after that only minor problems persist. This was really sudden. When my mum called yesterday out of the blue and ask me a whole lot of questions regarding when my exams end and all that, I cannot imagine what she was going to say next. The first call ended with "nothing much la, just calling to ask". Then in the evening she called again, this time the truth broke. I was shell-shocked....never did i expect something like this to happen out of the blue. But this too made me realise how precious life is....as you never know when your loved ones will leave you one day. I liked the kid...i really did. He was a pleasant child, sweet, mild-tempered, and forgiving even to his wilful sister. It was really painful, to see him always shuttling in and out of the hospital, and even more when i saw yesterday. I really dont know what to say to everyone yesterday. Just sat there, stunned and unable to do anything. Everyone was crying around me. I wanted soooo much to comfort them, but it doesnt seem right to say anything at that point. The damage was done, and irreparable. Images flashed through my mind, that of a happy family enjoying family gatherings in the old times. The sudden loss must be hard to take...just imagine someone that you've been seeing everyday just suddenly disappears from now, and will never come back again. I can imagine...but find this extremely hard to accept....especially when it's one of your loved ones. Though i'm not extremely close to the kid, i do have a soft spot for him....always knew him as a sweet little mild-tempered kid...always warranted special attention. I cannot stop harping on the suddenness of the events unfolding before me, the sadness everyone felt, and the potential life the kid could have should he be.... I can't help but feel sad and thinking about the good times in the past. Even someone who's more distant from the event like me could feel the pain of the loss, not to mention the ones who are extremely close. I feel helpless...not being able to do anything to help. Feel extra...being there yet not doing anything. Cherish your loved ones around you....starting from today. |
| allie ♥ 7:10 PM |
| Friday, November 17, 2006 |
Has my face grown fat too?
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| allie ♥ 9:02 PM |
| Sunday, November 12, 2006 |
The holidays are coming...and the irritating cosmetic companies are coming up with all sorts of pretty little things to take my $$ away from me!!! But sadly, i got no $$ for them to takeaway...muahahaha. Perhaps i can indulge in jussssst one of them. Below lists what i've been lemming for...  MAC Smoked eyes palette (Formal Black collection) Stila Color Festival set (Holiday collection) Stila Glacier Ice Palette (Winter Collection) Stila 3-pan empty palette (Holiday collection)  Stila Rouge Orchid (Holiday Collection)Well, in case anyone's wondering...I'm a new Stila convert! I never thought Stila's eyeshadows would interest me....but apparently, they are pretty good! Not as pigmented as MAC's definitely, but good enough to attract. Plus, the packaging is tons prettier than MAC's normal ones! I have to rave about the pigmentation of their blushers though....really lasting and good build-up of their colours. Oh ya...i forgot that I'm kinda in love with this too.  Stila Silver Maple palette (not sure which collection)
But it's sooo pretty, great for smoky eyes! And i think if i ever land my hands on it i can forget about getting the smoked palette from MAC le. It comes in a nice faux leather packaging too! Too bad i cant check out the counters anytime soon, I wonder if i can find it at the counters here?
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| allie ♥ 12:50 PM |
| Sunday, November 05, 2006 |
Well, I just wasted the whole of Saturday without studying or doing anything constructive in my opinion. Morning woke up late, went for project meeting. Supposed to start at 2, but started typically at 3. Lasted till about 7 odd. It's been really long since any project meeting that I've participated in lasted so darn long. And it's not as if during the whole time we were making full use of it, we weren't. During a project meeting, the main focus should be the project, while any side talk can be included, but shouldn't take away the main focus. This doesnt seem to be the case yesterday. Whenever we talk about the project, there seems to be 101 digressions. To me, it's extremely tiring having meetings like that. Cos when I come for a meeting, I'm already have the mindset to finish up the work that we have to do, and when digressions occur, especially those that seemingly has no end to it, it wastes everyone's time, especially those who came to do serious work. Honestly, if i have all the time in the world, I wouldn't mind. But it's the exam period, everyone's studying hard now, and I seriously need the time to do some work. I thought that if we can finish by 4 plus or 5, i can go home and study before heading off to the Great Munchkin inquisition. But sadly, it wasn't to be. There was a point during the meeting when i was incredibly frustrated and refused to contribute anymore. Cos my attempts to bring people back into the topic was unheeded and ignored. Well, perhaps they didnt hear it, but still, we lost our focus. That's why i say these meetings are tiring, cos when i try to make an effort to finish up the work efficiently, it seems like no one bothers. Maybe it's just me...is it the way i communicate or what? I really dunno. I'm tired really. And i really dont have the energy to keep on pressing for people to return to our main focus. Just like that, i wasted the whole day. By 7 i was pretty tired. Tired from trying to bring people back to the topic unsuccessfully, tired of trying to shout over the noisy busker who was singing in the vicinity, tired of everything. I was really in no mood to study, and after i finished dinner at 8, i went over to play card games with some other friends. I wanna rant more really, but im tired of ranting too. Now to a happier topic: The Great Munchkin Inquisition! It was the first time i played with 8 decks of munchkins plus their expansion packs. The deck was neverending! But i have to admit, it was a whole load of fun! Even though it last for a good 5 hours a game. I love the unpredictability and the surprises in the game. At first one of the guys was about to reach level 20, the level to win, while everyone else was slogging their way up the ladder. But in the end, he wasn't the winner. The one who was the lowest level for a significant period of the game was the eventual winner. This wasn't the first time i played with him, and this wasn't the first time he won. In fact, most of the times he won. I dont understand why people played with him so many times and yet dont understand his style of play. He always keeps his own cards to himself, psycho the rest to use up their hand and items to stop the other players, and then go on to win the game. IT's selfish, yes, but that's munchkins. It's hard to be like that, and it reflects on one's personality sometimes. And that's why the others in the game find it harder to win. To win munchkins, one has to be schrewd, scheming, backstabbing, and need a douse of luck in order to make it. Well, i dont aim to be like that. It's a game after all, and it's not worth that much effort in order to win it. What does winning give? Satisfaction? Sense of victory? Confirmation of one's worth? To me, it none of those, it just gives me entertainment value. Perhaps the above would mean more to others than it is to me. All i wanna see in a munchkin game is what i told alvin this morning. Haha.....it's so hard to spell it out...i would rather keep it to myself. Meanwhile, I'm extremely tempted to buy more sets of Munchkin, like Munchkin Fu, which we still lack at the moment. More and more of my friends are into the game now......and hopefully the fun spreads to all those around me....Play Munchkins with me!! |
| allie ♥ 3:05 PM |
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