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| Sunday, October 22, 2006 |
Met up with Kristy on Saturday after a long period of time. Hopefully her "all-girl dress day" turns into a reality. I do miss her quite a bit :P  Some of the layouts that I did recently for my bangkok trip. Here's the cover... I absolutely luuuuuuuuurve my Rhonna Farrer stamps. They are sooooooo pretty and dolls up the pages immediately. Makes me feel that my money's well spent...huhuhu.... I like this page....the text might sound weird...but that's just cost it's incomplete!! It's meant to be a two-page layout spreading over to the next.... Some random pics of my dear bearie eating!! huhuhu....  |
| allie ♥ 11:54 PM |
| Sunday, October 15, 2006 |
It's just a comment, at least in my point of view, but i can't help thinking about it all night. The moment it came out, it stuck in my head. My mind was in a blank, i didnt know how to react. But deep inside, i thought it'd struck a nerve, an impact that's not slight at all. Second came the almost-reenactment. That clueless, insensitive young man didnt seem to know the extent of damage of his first comment, and proceeded to give his "two-cents" worth again a second time. This time, it really stuck. I know sometimes people say things without knowing the real impact of their words. I'm not saying he's wrong in saying that. He's not. But I'm hurt, truely, deeply. And no one knows, except me. No one really cares, except me. Ever since young, i've never been the type who made me real feelings know to people around me. People had to guess - my mum, my bro, my close friends, my bf. I always kept my feelings and thoughts close to my heart, cos i dont want to bother others with my problems. That led to my independence, and what is my "seemingly" tough exterior. Do i really seem that tough? My close friends know i'm not, and that everything that they've seen comes from my mind, not my heart. My mum, bro and bf knows even more, that i'm just a weakass deep inside. So who can i blame for hurting me? No one, except myself. Cos i made myself seem the person i am, which i cant live up to. I do wish i can put the blame on the person who said the words....but i can't. Cos somehow, there seems to be some element of truth. The part of the truth that i would willingly admit to myself. But whenever i confront my friends, or family with that particular part of the truth that hurt, they always tell me it doesnt hold. So who should i believe? Me or them? I dunno. Believing is one thing, knowing that you believe is another. I dunno whether i believe, or whether i know i believe. This sucks. The person is so insignificant in my life, and yet the words weight so much. I so wanted to hate him, and banish him to the other side of my world, where i will never see him again. I hate people who hurt me, i hate people who hurt me again and again even more. Never in my life has someone said something so adamantly that it stuck for so long....and made me cry the whole night. The funny thing was, i was stunned when it happened, neutral after it happened, and when i reached home while watching soccer, tears just flowed with no emotion felt inside. I cried just thinking about the words that stuck. From then on i knew it really hurt. Both my mind and my heart. I dunno what I know anymore. I dunno what to believe anymore. Cos it's been circulating round my mind for some time and this time it really burst out. I so want to defend myself, thinking that it's not my fault, but i cant. Everything's cause just points to me, me and me. I am the cause. It's my fault that this happened. At this moment, i am still hurt, even though it's been 24 hours since i cried. And tears are still flowing while i'm writing this. The perpetuator has no idea what kinda hurt he has caused, and i have no intention of letting people know. Like people will care. I know who will. And letting the people who care know will just hurt them even more...and i dont wish to see them upset. Hence, this starts and end...with me, myself and I. |
| allie ♥ 9:51 PM |
| Wednesday, October 11, 2006 |
| allie ♥ 1:58 PM |
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