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| Thursday, April 29, 2004 |
fInaLLy
*~...MoOd: SaDzZz...~*
"Health might not be the best subject to discuss. Some people are uncomfortable with inquiries into matters that they consider private. Instead of wondering about what makes others tick, concentrate on your own physical state. Hypochondriacs always have plenty to think about, but if that's not you, don't turn yourself into one. Look for ways to sustain or improve your well-being. Preventive maintenance makes so much sense that more health care premiums and insurance policies should be based on it. You're ready to avoid anything that could become a bad habit. You know all too well how these things begin.You feel pulled in a few too many directions. Remove yourself from others' dramas and focus on your own needs. Give your sweetheart some sweet one-on-one time." Finally.....finally i accomplished something....spent one whole day without gaining anything i feel, except in the last moments when i am about to fall asleep already. The lethargy is realli getting to me. At least i do remember the main points and the sequence i need to list them. But very prone to forgetting them still. Sigh....gonna wake up at 530 tomorrow to polish up a bit...hopefully everything will go well for tomorrow eh? Wish me luck..... Hee....realli liked the M & Ms spectacular eggs...so cute...and so yummy....thanks to him=). Kinda brightened my day a little....but when it's gone...there goes the light of my day too. He wanted to go get another packet for me just to make me happy...wonder how sincere that was.....but well..nvm...it's the thought that counts...haha...and that was realli sweet. Tomorrow's the do or die day. Once it's over....aloooooooootttt of my problems will be solved too! Dun dare to think about my GE paper animore....sigh...it's gone.....dun care la. Wait n see lo i guess. Tomorrow's the day for job training too...wonder how it would go...hmmm Mummy called me again just now...sigh....and i cried...again.....sigh. Just cannot bear the sound of her voice and her concerns.....neva fails to get the tap up and running. Oh well....she's going to china, hong kong and korea on sunday...luckily my exams end before that....can go back and spend some time with her. She sounded sooo concerned.....just now on the phone....and i feel so.....oh well...so bad for not going home........sigh...miss my mummy too.....wanna go back asap to see her...and to eat her cooked food! Thinking abt it makes me happy...hehe....but i wanna go to korea too....wonder if she'll lemme go with her? Hehe......maybe i shud go ask her Need all the wishes and luck for tomorrow.......wish me luck yea? All the best allie.... |
| allie ♥ 1:15 AM |
| Wednesday, April 28, 2004 |
rOtTiNg aWaY...
*~...fEeLiN': tErRiBlE...~*
Rotting...rotting away.....sighzz....i have spent the past 7 hrs trying to get my 11 pages of PS stuff into my head and yet it's not even half in. Thought it would be easier than 104 to rem...but somehow...it proves to be the opposite!! Arggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............feel like killing myself. Was thinking of studying for my GE after this...but at the rate i'm going.....I am soooooo screwed. Not that i havent been concentrating...i was so focused...yet it refuses to be ingrained inside. Sigh.....maybe i'm getting a little dependent on my notes. I need to get this in soon....real soon. Feel like giving up....sigh....but wont give up on this paper at least....but there goes my GE....i just know it...it' gone la....but the lecturer did say that if i turn up for the paper i will pass right? Well...hopefully...or else i'm realli screwed this time round. Luckily 107 doesnt require much studying or this time i'm really done for. Everything is going downhill...it sucks...and i noe it.....sighz....it's wednesday today...two more days to liberation...time is passing faster and faster.....i should be glad...but yet....i feel so terrible...cos nothing's been going right. Need some motivation right now...wonder where am i going to find it...sighzzzz..... |
| allie ♥ 6:32 PM |
*~...fEEliN': wOrRiEd...~*
"That loud crowing sound isn't some high-flying bird or sky-watching rooster. It's just you singing sweetly or even raucously about how good you feel. Even without all the noise, people would notice. They're paying careful attention to you and to what goes on in your life. Maybe you gave them advance notice, or maybe your appeal is strong enough that no additional advertising is necessary. With all this outward focus in your starcast, it's clearly your time to meet, greet, mix and mingle. Some of your mood is bound to rub off on those who are ready to follow you. Let go of problems and enjoy the day. Read your favorite love poems, listen to your favorite songs and live fully in the moment." Well well....after today's 111 paper...i felt like i've wasted the WHOLE of yesterday studying for nothing! Haha....cos the paper was sooooo crappy....studying for it wouldnt have made much of a difference...i'm quite sure of that. But I don't think I did well for it...not at all...cos i chose the wrong question from the start. Didnt notice that the first two questions were choice questions...arggghhh!! Thought it was compulsory like last year and i just started blindly on the first.....I would have done soooooo much better on the 2nd i figured. Sigh......but whatever....it's past aniwae.... Came back to do my 113.....happy with progress...but still have loadsa work to accomplish...meaning 113...107....and GN08....sigh.....That's becos i got the DFS job!! Haha...so excited.....but that means i gotta study harder these few days too...cos gotta go for training on the eve of my two-paper day. I have no idea how i'm going to handle it...but one of my options involve going the whole thursday nite without sleep. Ha.....that might be my only choice i think....aniwae it's the last day of papers on friday! I've been posted to the perfumes and cosmetics counter at ORchard! Haha....the DREAM counter.....cos i will get to see and drooool over the wide range of cosmetics there. Loads of things to study for GN08....dunno what to do....how....sigh.... ZM called me....again...haha....this time to complain of his GONECASE maths paper today. This time round...he only got 30 marks for his papers...he counted la...haha. The last time...he got 40 marks and managed to get C. Now...he's wondering how he's gonna to shun the "ta bao" fate with 30 marks. Sigh....dunnno whats wrong with him too...he said he gets a mindblock and cannot remember equations when he goes into the exam hall...i think it's psychological la...but hopefully he can get over the problem soon. Vin said he screwed up the paper too....he said he knew how to do...cept that he also got mindblock...what the hell....what is happening to everybody??? YX said he hasnt realli been studying.....i can tell....but he said he has....and that he can handle....sigh...i realli wonder. He said maths was one of his strongest...though i wonder how true....becos of the so-called "screwed up" paper...and now he's damn worried abt the paper la. He better start studying man...well....shudnt be start....shud haf started long ago rite....haha...oh well....just hope the rest goes well for him....and me too...hopefully. Peg seems real sad today.....i dunno why...asked her and she said dun wanna hold up my studying. Sigh.....her msn message was so freakingly sad k....can't help but worry for her. Tried to cheer her up....but she said i was being so sweet she felt like crying. Oh well....hope that she feels better after crying and everything will blow over soon. Seeing one my friends so upset realli gets to me sometime....sigh....hope everyone else stay happy yeah? Know this is sad period for quite a few people...but it'll be over real soon! Hopefully la..... Oh no...getting the job means i cant for VJC fiesta? Promised Peg i would go.....sigh...i wanna go too!! IT ends at 5 i know...but by the time i get there everything will be ready to end liao...sadzz. Was sooo looking forward to that cos i can see all the VJC people again...kinda miss them cos i havent realli been seeing them...cept for ger....but also havent been seeing her too.....oh ya...i do c denise every day...oopz. But that doesnt count! Havent seen weiling...rosalind...bin...cheryl...peg for a loooong time.....and eileen!! Wonder where my dearest eileen had gone. I still wanna go Taiwan with her one. So i gotta work hard....save $$$....then can go on a grea trip to Taiwan! In that case....need to get a job real soon after the DFS one...cos it wouldnt gimme much $$ for that stint. Now...need to make $$....$$....and more $$.....exams? what exams? Think of my dear Taiwan trip now.....haha...and my dearest kunda...maybe i will meet him thr ehz? Dream on girl...... |
| allie ♥ 1:00 AM |
| Tuesday, April 27, 2004 |
*~...MoOd: sIck...~*
"Do what you must. Don't even try to explain. If this sounds like romance to you, you're definitely in the mood for it. The stars present you with a full menu of delicious ideas about how to express your love. If somebody is feeling a little shy, find a private setting to make your case. Business deals happen in conference instead of out in the marketplace. Save the public demonstration until after the private one has its desired effect. Anything good eventually becomes common knowledge." This is getting unbearable....realli.....getting sadder n sadder after each day of studying...sighh.....it will be over soon.....yeah....soon.... Well well.....thought today's girl talk was pretty interesting...about sex and friends...haha. Funny thing is i had the same talk with two other guys not long ago....found it pretty funny...cos they wanted to ask me "the question"...but didnt dare to...and keep asking the other party to ask. Haha....oh well.....found out that that particular two guys were v*****s...and one already had a girlfriend for three years. Asked him why....he said he didnt dare.....and they didnt even talk about the issue before....haha...damn funny....can't believe they've been together for sooooo long and yet neva talked about it. But still.....nice guy la...in a sense...cos he won't pressurize the girl into doing it too. Hmmm.....makes me wonder....how many of the guys i know havent done it before....hmmm..... Found out that one of the girls we know actually got pregnant....at our age....sigh...oh well....i dont know whether to be happy for her...or feel sorry for her....no idea whether it is a good or a bad thing...but it seemed to have come at the wrong time. Being a mum at 20? That will really serve the government's purpose of having more babies....haha...national purpose. And perhaps more of this will actually help the government in reaching its target replacement rate eh? Oh well.....i noe i shudnt be making fun of it....sigh...must be the CS111 baby boom stuff getting to me...after all....it's tested tomorrow....isnt it? He asked me to go watch movie on thursday....what the .....sigh.....i'm having two papers on friday lo....seems like all the business or accounting people have quite a few days free after thursday...seems unfair....haha...but i will get the last laugh...cos i end on friday! After that i'm going to parrrrrrrrttttttyyyy.....and play mahjong rite under their noses....to spite them...for watching movie on thursdaaaay!! Haha...why am i being so evil when it's only a movie? Evil evil me....hiakz... Getting worried for tomorrows paper....and thursday's too......and yet i feel so helpless......hopefully tomorrow goes well. |
| allie ♥ 1:49 AM |
| Sunday, April 25, 2004 |
*~...MoOd: pLaIn BoRed...~*
"You're feeling out of your league, but it may just be that you don't have a definite goal in mind yet. A big event shakes up your life. That's your cue to find new friends or start something on your own. Remember, there's nothing wrong with a few helpful suggestions unless you're in the mood to be validated. It takes courage to admit that you're too focused on your personal life that you need a break from other things. You thought you had it all figured out, but things start to get murkier. Don't panic -- talk things out with your partner and you'll see things clearly again. " Spent dunno how many damn hours doing PS yesterday and today.....and my answers still sound so crap and lousy....though i was already a vast improvement over my initial answers. Sighzzz....how am i going to pass PS man....hope mark will be extremely lenient and nice and gimme a nice passing grade for the paper....ooh....how i wish........ Then comes the 111 mugging....sigh....his readings are sooooo crappy......read thru the past year exams....think most of the readings can end up in the trash can la. Guess will just do the S21 and his notes....plus the baby issue thingy.....sigh....dunno what to expect.....hopefully he will be nice too. Haha....here i am thinking everyone will be nice and gimme a passing grade without me needing to study for it....wishful thinking...........maybe i should go study a bit......hmmm... 6 days left till the end of exams...why does it seem sooooo farrr now....??? Sigh...... Yesterday...he ask me whether wanna go downstairs watch movie after i finish my work....said should be fine.....should i go.....really don't feel like going down. Dont mind if he comes up la.......but then...oh well. And i have to get up like...realli early tomorrow.....should i...should i not....hmmmm. Watched confessions of a teenage drama queen again yesterday....for the second time already....but this time it seemed better than the first time i watched it. It's pretty cute....well....moral of the story...don't like too much...and....don't ever lie to your best friend!! unless it's a white lie......oh well....felt kinda sorry for that girl....but somehow she deserved that for lying too much......but well...she got what she deserved in the end...so....good for her! The lead girl's really pretty....but she is rather big in a sense.....it's one of those movies where i see "bigger" girls around....hmmm.... yesterday ZM called......when he was at home...told me he's coming back to school. And he asked me guess his reason for doing that.....idiot......come back to school play mahjong in the midst of the exams while everyone else was complaining about the killer dynamics paper than massacred them all yesterday afternoon....and called me to gloat about his mahjong somemore. Arghhh....can't stand it...i wanna play too......but couldnt yesterday...cos of PS! Sighzz........6 more days.....just 6 more..... |
| allie ♥ 9:58 PM |
| Saturday, April 24, 2004 |
*~...MoOd: hOmEsIcK...~*
Sigh....mummy just called...asked me why i never go home. The sound of her voice just made me feel like crying. Though i don't realli miss home...but i do miss the feel of being home...with mum and dad and my bro around....so warm...so comfortable...so....loved....=(. Can feel the sadness in her voice....knows she wants me back home...sighz....and i realli want to go home....just can't seem to bring myself to do it cos i know i can't do any PS work at home. Well.... aL: Hello Mum: not coming back today? aL: no.... Mum: why not? aL: i need to study.... Mum: thought u said u can't study in hall becos your friends were too noisy? aL: well....my roomie's not around now and it takes realli long to go back... Mum: oh....then are you coming back tomorrow.... aL: i think no...... Mum: so how's your papers? aL: like that lor....ok i guess... Mum: how did you think you've done? aL: don't know...and don;t want to think... Mum: how come you don't know..? aL: dont know...just wait for the results and see lor... Mum: you never realli told us how u did last semester also... aL: i did...told you all i got A's...B's...and C's already.... Mum: ok...have you had your dinner? aL: (lying)yes... Mum: just came back from eating is it...? aL: hmmm? Mum: just came back from dinner is it..? aL: no....had a very late lunch.... Mum: oh okay....then do you have anything to eat tomorrow? Is the canteen open? aL: should have i guess...... Mum: is it.... aL: ya..... SiLenCe... aL: ya.... Mum: okay...don't sleep too late okay... aL: (lying again) okay... Mum: ok...byebye aL: bye... sIghzz....i know she's concerned....and she wants the best for me....but somehow....i don't seem to be able to put in my best....for her....suddenly i feel so guilty....cos i'm always underachieving....ever since primary school. All along...she knew i could have done better than what i did...i knew that too....yet still...i could never put in my best effort in what i do....in terms of my studies....i nevered fulfilled my potential in primary school....nor in secondary school....though i did end up in DHS and people tend to think i did very well. Mum wanted me to go RGS....i know i can make it...but i didn't want to put myself thru the extra effort to do it.... There's always that niggling feeling that i could have done alot better. Didn't do that well in the 'O's too....though better than what i expected of myself cos i thought i would do realli badly...from the slackness in the run up to the exams. Mum wanted me to go Hwa chong after that....could have gone if i had appealed with my cca, and there was a chance too...cos it was a partial cutoff. I didn't want to....cos i hate the idea of being in a top school and i had to psych myself to compete with all these "top" students. I want a more relaxed environment where i can generally slack a bit and still be able to do well. Thus....i went to VJC. The start of JC life was terrible...cos i wanted to enrol in mass comm at ngee ann poly and was super reluctant to go JC....went there cos my mum wanted me to go....oh well. Super antisocial in class....bad in maths....bad in physics....couldn't realli catch up. Well....it was terrible....and i wanted out. Remembered the time when me n mum just sat in the kitchen...both of us crying...me becos i cant keep up with my work....my mum because she knows how bad it is for me. She told me " if i had known that you would go through so much pain now...i would rather you go to poly". My god....i can't believe it....suddenly i feel like i'm so appreciated. ONly then i realised that what she always wanted is not for herself, not because she liked the prestige of me going to the best schools (as she always compared me to her friends' kids who performed better than me)....but she wanted the best for me. I stopped crying...and stared at her with disbelief.......not believing what i just heard. From then, i set myself a target....to do well for the 'A' levels. However...my definition of 'well' is not to ace everything....instead....i thought that getting 2 A's would be good enough...by my standards. When i finally received my A level results......i was shocked....counting the number of 'A's on the result slip.....it amounted to....4......god....i couldn't believe it. I called my mum....once i heard her voice....i broke down...not knowing why... I told her about my results...and she asked me why am i crying....i said " but........i never thought i can ever get 4 A's..." Her reply was surprising...at least to me..."well...i always thought you could". God...this make me cry even more....cos the fact that i have always been underachieving hit home......finally.....and the fact that i always don't aim to reach my full potential contributed to it. The ending was sweet....and i was so proud of my results then....seeing a perfect score for once in my life. It was the best i could do....i know...and i did it.... Ever since i came to uni.....didn't feel the need to study that hard again....cos i came in with the aim of enjoying myself in school. Well....in the first sem.....i realli studied pretty hard...for certain subjects....but this sem....i have to say i feel that i let myself down once again......and hearing my mum's words just made everything that happened before flash back....again.....I was the underachiever....until that moment in year 2002. But now, here i am....back to the old self.....acting to satisfy...nobody...but myself...and only myself.....I feel guilty again....when am i going to start fulfilling my real potential? I'm still looking for that answer.....and i guess i can only find that....in me...... Wonder why that phone conversation led to all this...but it did....sighzz..... Maybe i should try harder.....haiz.....again "maybe"......i realli should start saying "i will"...instead of maybe....waiting and waiting...for that day to come....sighzz....see the problem with me? Even if i want to do it....i cant bring myself to....i need to change....my attitudes....values....all need changes....and hopefully....that will come.....within the next three years...hopefully....no no no....it will. soMetimes i wonder....why are some people so nice to me...all the things they did for me.....do i deserve it................................................. |
| allie ♥ 6:52 PM |
| Friday, April 23, 2004 |
*~...MoOd: ReLiEvEd...~*
"Question any promise from the person that's eager to sell you something. If you want to speak to the supervisor of the telemarketer who's giving you a hard time, don't be afraid to ask. But if this retail situation is more voluntary than answering a cold call, review your reasons for wanting to make the purchase in the first place. High-pressure tactics send up a red flag. You're under no obligation. Give yourself a few more days before consenting or committing to the irrevocable. Those second thoughts you hear might actually be the voice of reason fighting its way to the surface." today's 104 was tons better than the 105 yesterday..at least for me. Had a lot to write and as usual.....made the best use of my god send gift of being able to write alot...very fast....haha...and finished the whole answer booklet. I i had more time i would have needed another booklet...haha. Didn't exactly finish the whole of the last question though.....but was close to it. As least i ALMOST finished it this time round...so pretty happy that i almost did it. But have absolutely no idea how i did in the paper though....no clue at all...hope everything goes well....and i at least make the minimum grade..... well...went to JP with the gals to eat dinner.....and chatted a bit...feeling kinda relaxed now after two consecutive days of agonizing pain, being unable to sleep well and having to constantly mug for the exams. Have a 3-day break before the next paper...know that i'm not supposed to slack...but feeling a bit more relaxed than usual....need to get my 113 thingy done though...and that's gonna take quite some time. Better start soon girl....yeah i know. Bought dinner for him today...as what i would always do when i go somewhere...whether for him or for my good friends in hall. Gave it to him...he said i looked radiant today...guess it is a far cry from yesterday night when i was in the worst state as i was just handed the shock of having to re do part of my answer script for today's 104 exam only at like 2 am?? sigh....but that's over...nevamind. Yeah...he said i looked radiant...told him that it was because my paper wasnt too bad today....and that i met a cute friend of mine today at JP....that's why...haha. Then he said...."no wonder so nice buy dinner for me la...chey...." Piangzz....buy dinner for you still say this kinda thing...best liao lor. Felt so unappreciated....so i said "buy for you still say this kinda thing...next time don't buy lo...." While he was trying realli hard to pacify me...it onli succeeded in making things worse......then i told him "don't wanna talk to u liao". Haha....initially just felt unappreciated and wanna throw a bit of tantrum....but as he went on.....only made things worse...so might as well don't talk to him right. And he was trying to hard to make things rite...and there i was....waiting....and waiting.....and waiting....for that magic word "sorry"....it didn't come. Oh well....it's one of those things that i keep wondering about guys...why is it sooooooo difficult for them to say sorry??? Same goes for my ex....everytime he's in the wrong...he refuses to say sorry till i demand it...will say everything and anything else under the sun cept for that magic word. Sighzz....is it the guys ego or what....or am i being demanding. Well...it realli isn't that difficult ya noe...i feel....and sorry just solves everything....sighzz. He left a message....at his website....saying "Thanx for buying me dinner dear....didn mean to say until like dat can...I'm sorry :)......Dun angry k...sayang sayang". Oh well....so difficult to tell me mehz......well...guys...who can understand them. Found out that he actually had something like a blog kinda thingy...cept that its his own website....hmmm...interesting...but so far havent found out much from it....and it's so......drama....i mean the way he made all the things sound...so him.....yeah i noe....and i saw some stuff....hmmm...i wonder when he started liking strawberry banana shake...cos that happens to be my favourite too...*wonder wonder*....and there are links to personality tests too....which are one of my favourite ways to past time....hmm...interesting.... oh well...dont realli feel like doing any work today already....in the procrastinating mood...haha....will start tomorrow la.....make sure i do.....meanwhile....i shall enjoy being a slaaacccker for the next 2 hours!! |
| allie ♥ 11:24 PM |
| Thursday, April 22, 2004 |
*~...MoOd: SaDzZz...~*
Well well....thought today's paper was horrible...at least for me...cos i wasn't in the best shape or state of mind when i stepped into the exam hall. Felt panicky today...hate that feeling...but it contributed to my performance...realli. Think i screwed up.....realli....sighzzz....didn't finish the paper either...what the hell. Hate the feeling....hate it ...hate it. Oh well.....another paper to think about...tomorrow's 104....this puts me in the best situation man. A screwed up paper...plus another screwed paper for tomorrow. I don't care...just wanna get everything over right now. Though i feel better about tomorrow's paper...after memorising for the past 3 hours or so...dun tink i will do well in it. Dun care......dun wanna care also. No idea how long it's gonna take for me to get all that 11 pages of words into my head by tmr 1430....but i will.... Though i screwed up the first paper....i'm happy that i finally started the exams....cos it means this agonizing experience will end in a flash.....yeah.....like real quick. I dont wanna screw up any of my remaining papers...but somehow i think i will. What a sorrowful way of thinking....sighzz.....and i don't think i'm ever going to cheer up...at least not for the next 8 days.... |
| allie ♥ 9:14 PM |
"Let your imagination liberate you from the confines of reality. Break out in a new direction. Nobody is upset with you for standing convention on its head. They're all too stunned and amused for that. Your message is always more effective when you show rather than tell. Of course, the best thing of all is that you never set out to make this a memorable performance. You end up proving something to yourself no matter who else is watching." Sighzzz.....i give up...on studying liao.....cant get anything into my head anymore. Guess what happens later at 1330 is really not within my control anymore...now what i can do is only try to keep a clear mind and get my body into "war mode"...haha. So slack this sem....not that i want to...but cant seem to focused. Last sem went so well, cept for certain "thou shall not be named" papers....i'm sure i studied at least 3 times more last sem...sighz....just count the numbers i immerse myself in books....this sem...barely 5 hours a day...last sem..more than 12 a day. What is happening to me man. I guess i should not be dwelling on this fact any further....many more things awaiting me ahead. CS 105 the big hurdle coming rite up...followed closely by CS104. Don't think i'm too worried for 105...since the scene is more or less set. I have to memorise my 104...i have to....have to make sure i do.....cos once i get in there tomorrow....i will just have to let everything out.....no need for more consideration even. So my whole paper depends on today....have to get it into my head somehow.......oh well...that will be my problem when i come back at 4 pm. Meanwhile...need to psych myself up for later......all the best allie... |
| allie ♥ 12:01 PM |
| Wednesday, April 21, 2004 |
Doesn't realli make sense again....haha...am i enchanted? Hmmmm..... Didn't start off the day too well today. Wake up at 11....wanted to study....but the music on the other side of the room was realli loud....plus the grass cutting people had to add to the noise. Haizz...couldn't start studying. MY dad came after that....so happily went for lunch with him at canteen 9. Hee....ate my happy food - jap food...so mood became better after that =). HOwever...when i came back....the music was still blasting...as usual...i tried realli hard to concentrate...but can't...so decided to move to the study room at blk 5 to do some real and constructive studying. Got quite a lot of things done in the end!! Very happy.....but after i came back....was beginning to feel realli worried for tomorrow. Realli wonder why she made it easier for us in the sense that she went from restricted open book to a total open book exam. Sighzzz... Tried to do some past yr exam papers....the writing research questions for specific research methods part seem a little tricky. Cos the questions will have to be catered to the method! Sigh....dunno whether i got it right or wrong also.....so kinda worried. And i keep thinking that i dunno a lot of things...even there is the book to refer to.....oh well..... Then again...getting too worried doesnt realli help right now. Better get myself in shape for the big battle tomorrow. Well..tomorrow's the day.....start of a series of papers...which i hate....hope it gets over soon. Meanwhile....hope that the music will get softer soon...haiz......and i dun wanna complain about it cos i know she likes it that way.....and dun think i want any bad feelings between us becos of that. Oh well...what to do....realised study room is very conducive for studying....with the air con...hee=). But it does get a little hot after 8 pm...i wonder why......hmmm..... He bought something for me again today...this time a strawberry flavoured drink....i like strawberries=). Well...got sour plums yesterday...strawberry today....i feel pampered....hee.....does make me feel better...for a while...before i start worrying for exams again...sighzzz. Aniwae....realli sweet of him....hope everything goes well for him tomorrow too. Or else i will feel quite bad....after disrupting his studying time quite a few times...oopz....not on purpose though...so cannot realli blame me ma rite....hmmm....well...good luck to everyone i know too...for tomorrow.....and good luck to me.....just hope i make the grade for everything and not screw up..... |
| allie ♥ 11:46 PM |
EvErYoNe'S Bz sTuDyIng Now....dOinG NotHiNg bUt StudYiNg...sO sAd...no LiFe nOw....eXaMS dO sUcK....I jUST rEaLiSeD...i KnoW...it's LikE LatE rItE...bUt I aLwAyS tHoT Of ExAmS aS a Gd WaY oF rEInForCiNg MY KnoWlEdGe AnD tO fInD OuT wHeRe I sTaNd aMoNg tHe rEsT. Well....I hAtE ExAmS nOW..N gUeSs It'S nOt LikElY to ChAnGe aNyTiMe SoOn... *~...~aLLiE~ SiGnS In at |8:50:13 PM|...~* |
| allie ♥ 12:31 AM |
| Tuesday, April 20, 2004 |
 Haha....result of my test...not true!!! What kinda soul do you possess? 
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| allie ♥ 2:17 PM |
Hmmm....i realli wonder what i accomplished today...felt like i didnt do much...which is true. Well...woke up late today...went to meet project mates in town for cs111 project. Spent some time in coffee bean chilling and discussing project...took quite awhile actually. After that...went shopping...in search of the pressie i was supposed to get long ago..cept that i couldnt really make up my mind. Really wanted to get him a shirt.,...but somehow...the size part can be rather troublesome...especially when i'm so used to buying stuff for my teeny weeny brother...haha. Oh well...decided against buying the shirt in the end and bought a pillow with pillowcase for him...cos i wanted to draw something on the pillow itself. I am pretty satisfied with my finished product though...thought my handwriting was pretty neat! Heh...maybe i can do this after all. Attached a cutesy ribbon to it as well....but somehow it looked a little girly? Well...i liked it....and he said he liked the ribbon too...so somehow it stayed there...haha. Well...he said that the pillow was too nice to use....wonder how much truth is in it...hmmm...? Made a card for him as well....put powerpuff girls on the cover...on purpose....well...it was meant as a joke ma....cos he liked his roomie's powerpuff girl soft toy....and i always made fun of it saying that it's his superhero girlfriend and all since he liked it so much. Hmmm....well...bottomline is...he said he liked the pressie...so i guess that is good enuff....since i didn't put in too much effort in it too...but enough i guess...ha. He thought i sewed on the ribbon...i would have done it...if not for the lack of needle and thread in hall...oopz...so ended up using safety pin lo....a little bo xin it seems...but the effect turned out equally good. Well..enough talk about that....feel kinda guilty that i actually gave him the pressie so late...didnt mean it though. Didnt accomplish much work today...only started my work at night...so managed to do a little bit of political studies. IT is tough...as in it takes really long to do. But eventually still managed to get it done...just hope i have enough time to do the rest. The fact that i;m still up at this point of time shows time is realli realli tight! Even hafta give up some of my beauty sleep liao....sighzzz. Hopefully, all this will be over in a flash. I really wonder....do i realli look so glum these days? Or is it just him...cos i keep getting the "smile more" thingy from him! haha.....time to do some online shopping before i sleep....reward for doing work?! |
| allie ♥ 3:59 AM |
| Monday, April 19, 2004 |
OOps...i forgot his birthday...really...big mistake...i know...but i did! Oh well....all along thought his bdae was sunday ma...how i know when i messaged him at 1245 am...he said his bdae was over 45 mins ago. I felt guilty....really....knew that he was somehow upset but trying to hide it...but i purposely didnt wanna show that i knew. So i just messaged him "happy belated then!" He replied...'oh...thanks'. Can see that he's upset...but i refuse to reply...haha...cos i know he will message me back again. Amazingly...i'm right....he said that he had been waiting for my bdae wishes for 24 hrs and 45 mins...oopz...make me feel guilty again. Oh well....said i seriously got it wrong and apologized....and he sounded fine in the end. After that. he asked me whether i would spend some time with him while his bdae "technically" still has two hours left. I said ok...then he came over lo. Talked for quite abit....about stuff....weird though...talked about his birthday...my new haircut(which he din realise....hmmph)....my brother....upcoming exams....o levels...a levels...haha i know....weird rite....but somehow...yeah...dat's how the conversation ended up to be about. Oh well...i dont realli know why i agreed to meeting him...guess i felt rather guilty and wanted to make up for it...hmmm. Haha....know what....he said he had something for me....gave me a cute little rabbit shaped white chocolate. It was cute...and i didnt feel like eating...so i left it there. He said he felt like eating...so i told him to eat lo....but he refused at first cos he said that he ate alot of chocolate already. But in the end, he still ate it. Haha....somehow it feels kinda ironic huh...i think....cos he meant to give it to me but he was the one who ended up finishing it. Somehow, it feels like he doesnt realli mean to give it to me....oh whatever....sometimes i do doubt his purpose....if u give someone something and ended up benefiting yourself in the end without benefiting the person itself....what is the point? I realli wonder ya noe.....but this is not the first time. Haha...i just treat it as a joke...or else it will leave another bad impression for me again. It makes me wonder.....again...sighzz... Sunday was another day wasted i guess...terrible me. Realli started studying only at 2 oclock. Watched some tv in between and stopped studying liao. Going to continue in awhile...hopefully it will be productive. I am realli getting worried about the exams now. time is really really very very tight at this point of time. 3 days to the exams. I think the first paper should not pose a big problem, but i am worried for those exams which the questions are given. Sigh....need lotsa good luck and best wishes man. Gotta give up a hell lot of sleep for the next few days....i think i can do it....just need to find some motivation...maybe kunda can hand me some? Haha... |
| allie ♥ 1:57 AM |
| Friday, April 16, 2004 |
Hmmmm....this puzzles me again. Had a really loooooooooong talk with him yesterday until like 6 am this morning....cleared up some stuff already. Well....in response to yesterday's incident, he said that he actually meant to pay for the whole movie thing, so he didn't expect me to back him back. He said he was surprised that i actually paid him and was taken aback and didnt know what to do, so he took it, and asked me the stupid question. Well....i really have no idea what to say to this man. It seems like the problem to him was the question part. He said that he should have taken it with no questions asked. Well....to this point i couldn't stand it anymore. I told him, forgive me for being straight....and just went on giving him my piece. Told him that if he meant to pay for the whole thing, he would have, regardless of whether i had given him money or not, and even if i had, he would have refused. The fact that he actually took it meant that he didn't really mean to pay for the whole thing. Secondly, if he had just took the note without saying anything or whatsoever, it would have showed much less courtesy than the earlier incident, would have irritated me even more then. Haha...upon saying this....he said that he felt so dumb...and that he had just done the most stupid thing in the world. Told me that he really didn't mean what he did today. Oh well.....i think he really does not mean it....but somehow...the incident still reflects a certain part of him....at least in my point of view. If he really meant to do something, i don't think his decision will waver so damn easily. Oh well.... He told me..."Allie.....i think i become dumb when i'm with you". Haha....i dunno what to say. But somehow i do think that to a certain extent it can be pretty true. There was once when we were on our way down for dinner...and he dropped by his room to get his wallet. He went into the room, three times....and got his phone..keys and so on. We started walking down....and he realised.....that....he has forgotten his wallet. Oh well.................i seem to be making him uncomfortable.....i wonder why.... He kept apologising over the incident....said that it was dumb and all that.....then we ended up talking alot. Haizz...he asked me the question....again.....something about whether eddie will end up with miss paige. Haha.....latest version....better than last time the niu lang and zhi nu one....duhh. I said that if these incidents continue to happen......can forget about it la......and i mean it. Then he said something about asking his roomie to liquid paper him away...huh....dont make sense at all to me...i hate it whenever he make no sense....but aniwae...haha. He asked me about my previous relationship.....well...i told him....about why it has put me off guys for so long and that my perceptions on guys and relationships has changed dramatically because of that. Somehow, this sorta kickstarted a really nice conversation. Was really fun....talked alot...learnt alot about him....and stuff.....both good....and bad stuff la i guess. And there was this self-evaluation part...when we evaluated each of our good and bad points...hmmm..... Can't believe i managed to wake up at 7 45 today. Went for lesson and everyone was wearing black!! Damn cool i feel...and he was appreciative after all...hee. Lesson wasn't very interesting....cos i was switched off for most of the time....woke up towards the end...and found some arguments quite interesting. Think todae's debate on animal rights was interesting....and somehow i do feel that there is a certain bias in some of their arguments. They are arguing saying that animals such as dogs and cats should be given rights....but somehow....animals like poultry seem to be exceptions from the rule. It really puzzles me....i mean....animals are animals.....but why the double standards when recognizing their rights? Some said that because dogs and cats are more sentimental and develop feelings towards humans....but i feel that that is subjective. In societies where having dogs and cats as pets are the norm, people might feel strongly against abusing them, killing them...and will fight strongly for their rights. But in areas where these animals are being slaughtered for food, and that is their norm in society, then this becomes a different story. Cats and dogs hence become "poultry" to them. So in their case, does that mean that cats and dogs shouldn't have animal rights animore? Haiz....can go on and on about this.....oh well. Never felt so strongly for animal rights anyway...perhaps because of my lack of attachment to animals. I mean...i do like certain animals...but dont realli come into contact with them too often to feel too attached. Maybe this will change in the future. Regarding his incident...just hope that it doesn't happen again. Somehow i hope that he can really let his guard down and be natural when going out with me. Or else it would seem like i will never get the real person behind it. time to do work......wish me luck.... |
| allie ♥ 6:48 PM |
| Thursday, April 15, 2004 |
Hmmm..today's horoscope sounds.....well...inaccurate lo. Don't realli understand it too anyway. Went to watch movie with him today...a lot of doubts arose...as usual. I mean...the last time..before the whole episode that happened...it was this way too. Sometimes I feel that it is okay to move on...but somehow something he does made me take a step back...and feel that it isnt ok anymore. And when I feel that it isn't okay to take a further step, something he does changes my mind again. That is how the whole dilemma started. Oh well.... Seems like the talk we had last time over certain characteristics of him didn't really get ingrained.....at least dat's what i feel. If what his friends said and what I think are in line....there must be some truth in it rite....he said give him some time...well...i think so far....3 weeks is a reasonable time to see some change already rite...maybe i am expecting too much....hmmm.... I have a question. If one pays for something in excess to a friend and the "excess" is substantial enough...would one expect change? Haizzz...i have to get this out somehow....today at the movie....i paid him for the movie...in excess and substantial enough to justify....and he asked me a question..."are you expecting change?" Well....duh.....of course....i think everyone does. And I'm quite sure of that...if one dun have change, one would say in advance....or if the change is a small amount...probably one might just forget abt it and i wouldnt care. I didnt know how to answer that question....he saw my expression...and realised what he shud do. Told me that he wouldnt really expect change if he was in my situation, cos when he pays his frens, he dun expect change from them and vice versa. This leaves me with a question: does dat mean that when you pay for a movie using a 50 dollar note to your friend, you don't expect any change? And is it that if you dont have exact change you don't pay ur fren back or you usually pay like more than what u shud pay for something? Oh well....his reason for asking was that he didnt think i would be so "geh gao" over such things....somehow...a debate started....i wouldnt say argument...cos it wasnt like a real one. MY defense was that it isnt a "geh gao" or not problem....instead...it was a matter of courtesy. Any other person would probably handle the situation the same way i would, that is, to give the change back. Unless the two were close friends or that they have a certain understanding between them to eliminate that need. The least i would do is to at least offer the change back...unless they refuse from the start. That...i got nothing to say. No idea what people would think...probably will think that this is a very minor problem...but somehow...i feel that there's a someone hidden beneath the sheen that he portrays himself to be. Someone whom i don't really know much of.....that's why i can be rather confused at times. You know what....the above incident has never occurred to me before...and this was the first time...and i have to say i am taken aback. Maybe he thinks that we are close enough to eliminate that...if he does...then i have to differ. Somehow, my thinking and his don't seem to align in certain aspects...and what he told his friend about the "status" is totally different from mine! And i got pretty irritated over that. Hmmm...i really wonder whether i am being over concerned...or overly sensitive about a "small" thing like this...but somehow i feel that it sorta highlights the differences btw us. He thinks this is being "geh gao"....then what about certain things he did? I happen to think that those things he did are definitely a lot more "geh gao" than this is...not that i admit this is at all.....after all...i still think this is a matter of basic courtesy. He somehow assumes things to be a certain way...for reasons i can't seem to comprehend...though we never realli talked about this. Sighzzz.....i wonder...why can't u take things to be the way they are instead of reading like...too much into it? Or at least ask if in doubt. Perhaps you are not in doubt...if that is the case...then u assume too much. sometimes...things are better when discussed....haiz...reminds me of PS man....discussions lead to decisions...haha...oh well. If one don't communicate withe other party, then how does one know what the other party is thinking? I do hate it when one thinks i'm thinking in a way which is totally different from what i'm realli thinking....and there is one example i can cite... It seems like i can go on....and on...and on...abt this....but the incident does cast alot of doubts...all over again. Sighzz......maybe i should go talk to girl about this....see whether i am being overly sensitive or whatever. One thing i definitely i have to admit, we do have alot of differences...in terms of thinking...way of doing things and all. Sometimes we are able to see eye to eye...in other times...we can't. He don't seem to see a problem...but i do. Maybe i think too much again. Girl always says...if u decide to take the step....then put your full energy into taking that step. It makes sense....alot in fact....but I wonder if i can do that. I need some time to figure that out.....seems that i have been taking forever......sighz.....either that or just take the escape route....which is easier...i don't know....and which is better...i don't know either... |
| allie ♥ 11:25 PM |
| Wednesday, April 14, 2004 |
Wait....I am supposed to be studying right now...but somehow i'm writing...argghhh. Oh well...just had a loooong chat with da gals just now at the canteen....interesting...learnt alot of stuff...about people...and about how to deal with stuff. Realized that Mel do make a pretty good counseller. Pretty amazed at how she manages to put all those thoughts together....hmmm. Somehow, it just made me think...alot in fact...about people and how and why they think a certain way that they do...and also how i think and why do i think in the way i do. Oh well...i think i am pretty lucky in a way......havent really gotten really demoralising comments from people as yet...and parents who always seem to support me in whatever i do. It just made me appreciate them even more....sigh...i am pretty thankful for that i guess. Today's presentation was like.......oh well...really don't know how to describe it. Thought it all went well...and that we really couldn't help it if the date cannot be settled....but dat AC kept harping on how our problems could have been overcome in other ways...irritated!! Well....at first he did make some sense....but then towards the end...he started talking about how we could have incorporated a sort of "chatting" session between the autistic kids and the sec sch students.....wowee....he made it sound like as if it's such GreaT idea.....and that it would be feasible and all. Just made me laugh....haha...i mean....if the kids can't accept strangers face to face so easily...what makes him think that they would email, or chat online with a stranger that one hasnt even met before? Oh well...just can't see it from his point. He keeps trying to shoot us...at our ideas...suggestions....solutions...like everything he could find fault with...haha...i guess i couldn't blame him for that...since he is doing his job. Then again...it can be pretty amusing cos his ideas dun make a lot of sense...=P. And he tries like means and ways to defend his own ideas.....to protect his so-called "ego" i supposed...rather than really trying seriously rectify the problem. Oh well...... Hmmm...supposed to go watch movie with him tomorrow....up till now still haven told me the time yet...hmmm....better tell me soon or i'll lose interest in it. I do lose interest pretty easily...especially if one doesnt confirm the plans with me in advance. Watching the Prince and Me supposedly...it's such a fairytale...hope it will be nice=) ...cos it's like...my type of movie..typical teen flicks...haha..i'm such a sucker for that. Gotta get back to work...can't wait to get the exams over and done with. I am sooo slack i cannot stand this anymore....... |
| allie ♥ 10:24 PM |
| Tuesday, April 13, 2004 |
Supposed to study 104 and 105 today. But oh well...i spent a total of 2 and a half hours on this 105 chapter....cos i couldnt concentrate! Irritated....dissed...annoyed....oh well....can't believe it....so unproductive. Went on to do my 104 preparations...but didn't really know what i was arguing about as well....sigh...nothing seems to go well today. Getting really worried for my political studies paper...cos the questions are really tough...and arguments....though can be formulated....are difficult to be strung together to form a cogent argument. Sighzzzz....luckily i still have some time for political studies. I guess i better concentrate on my advertising and PR in the mean time.... |
| allie ♥ 10:22 PM |
| Sunday, April 11, 2004 |
| allie ♥ 11:54 PM |
| Saturday, April 10, 2004 |
| allie ♥ 1:53 AM |
| Friday, April 09, 2004 |
| allie ♥ 5:33 PM |
| Thursday, April 08, 2004 |
Did some studying today...wasn't exactly very productive...but at least i got some things done. Need to push harder......i'm sure i can do it. |
| allie ♥ 9:00 PM |
| allie ♥ 1:42 PM |
| Wednesday, April 07, 2004 |
| allie ♥ 7:50 PM |
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